In Dreaming and Waking
by Ari Kokol King (Fullerton, CA) originally published in Edition 4 of Inicio, Feb. 25th, 2026
I woke up this morning with my dream still hovering in my chest. The strange story that played out while I slept compelled my eyes open, holding me still as I slowly returned to waking life. Each time this happens, waking from a dream that was deeply felt, I notice a small pang of goodbye. Whatever the dream held -fear, beauty, wishing, monotony - waking from it is like saying goodbye to a small life that will never be again. A small grief arises.
Lately, I recognize this feeling beyond sleep. I am in a time of transition. I left a job. I began an academic program. I have taken on new roles and responsibilities. I have watched from afar as my dad moved through hospital visits and mortality reminders. Old forms have loosened. New ones are not yet steady. Something is ending. Something is emerging.
Transition is one of our most human experiences. We pass through in-between places where what once fit no longer does, and what comes next is not yet clear. The unknown tempts us to cling to what is known. I feel that pull. And yet, in this stretch of life, I notice I am not clinging as tightly.
Permitting transition without clinging is not very comfortable. It is also not unbearable. The capacity to remain does not come from thickened skin or from gripping my way through loss. It seems to come from staying with the One who stays with me.
I have sometimes permitted God to see—really see—my untrust, my fear, my shame, my longing, my small triumphs. And when I allow his gaze, he does not turn away. As I notice him noticing me, in the midst of change, we both remain.
The life I’ve already lived has not disappeared. It hovers like a dream upon waking - that strange sensation of two worlds meeting in the landing place of my body. What was, no longer is. What will be, I don’t yet know. But in this transition, from dreaming to arising, I permit letting the dream go and trust what the waking holds.
Ari Kokol King is a spiritual director and doctoral student in clinical psychology. She works with leaders and professionals who long for deeper groundedness and integration, creating space to tend the inner life, engage with what is ultimate, and lead from a rooted and connected sense of self. Discover more on her website.
In Reflection
Begin this time with your hands resting by your side or on your lap. Allow your eyes to close, your body to relax, and any tense muscles to release. Turn your attention to what thoughts and feelings are arising as you sit with God.
As you allow your thoughts to rise, where do you notice places of transition? Sit with the feeling of transition in your body and note where you might be clinging to what was, or rushing toward what’s next.
Ask God, “What small grief am I being invited to permit?”
From here, imagine God gently gazing at you in this space. Note any sensations,
thoughts, or feelings. Remain here for several deep breaths.
Close this time by offering what came up for you to God, and allow yourself to come back into awareness of waking life.
In the Nuosphere
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